This morning we are finishing our study of the fruit of the Spirit. The last fruit to be borne is self-control. Self-control is like bananas or apples in a fruit salad. It’s the filler. Self-control is not the most delicious, nor is it the prettiest, but self-control is important in the Christian life.
But, it is not the easiest fruit to bear. We are always tempted to take what we can get now. Fifty years ago a professor at Stanford University designed an experiment called the “Marshmallow Test”. True to its name, the experiment used marshmallows, cookies, and candy to test a small child’s ability to control their desires and delay gratification.
According to the New Yorker magazine, the experiment went that volunteer children (with their parent’s permission, of course) were led into a small room by researchers. Once inside, they were asked to sit down at a small desk and pick their favorite treat sitting on the desk. The researcher then made each child an offer: she could either eat one of the goodies now or, if she was willing to wait while he stepped out of the room for a few minutes, she could have two goodies when the researcher returned. The researcher also told the children that if they rang the bell that was sitting in front of them on the desk, he would come running back and they could eat one marshmallow but would automatically forfeit the second. The researcher then left the room.
The footage of this experiment that survives shows the kids struggling to delay gratification just a little longer. Here’s how the New Yorker reports the scenes:
Some [kids] cover their eyes with their hands or turn around so that they can’t see the tray. Others start kicking the desk, or tug on their pigtails, or stroke the marshmallow as if it were a tiny stuffed animal. One child, a boy with neatly parted hair, looks carefully around the room to make sure nobody can see him. Then he picks up an Oreo, delicately twists it apart, and licks off the white cream filling before returning the cookie to the tray, a satisfied look on his face.
The psychologists who conducted this experiment assumed that the child’s ability to wait depended on how badly they wanted the marshmallow. But as the video shows, almost every child craved the extra treat. They wanted to wait, but many couldn’t. The psychologists learned that what determined the child’s level of self-control was their ability to avoid thinking about it in the first place. If they could focus their attention on something else, they were far more likely to not eat the marshmallow in front of them and wait for the promised second one.[1]
In a way, that is what worship and prayer does. Authentic worship and prayer is radically God centered. Authentic worship and prayer moves our attention from ourselves towards God. It lifts our eyes towards heaven. Think about our worship – very little of it has to do with the specific problems and challenges and ordeals that we faced this week. It’s not that those aren’t important, they are. And what we do here helps us to see our lives and our actions from a different perspective. But when we come to worship, we don’t come as the most popular person or the least popular person or the richest person or the poorest person or the most capable or barely able to do much. Those things may be true out in the world. But when we come to worship, we come as a creature, a human being created in the image of God and we stand before God. Suddenly what we thought was important turns out to not be that important, and what we thought wasn’t important turns out to be very important. Coming before our Father reorders our priorities.
Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, where we Jesus teaching the Lord’s Prayer, can be read as a tutorial in living within the realm of the kingdom of heaven. You know Jesus’ teachings here well: the Beatitudes, where the poor in spirit are blessed; the need to control anger and forgive often; the command to not be two-faced, but instead let your “yes be yes and your no be no”; the instruction to love an enemy and bless an opponent; the lesson to give without needing to be seen; the fervency and courage to pray without ceasing; the reminder that real treasure is not found here on earth but in heaven; the painful truth that you can’t serve both money and God; the liberating notion that we can’t add a single hour to life by worrying; the urgent need to put down our gavels and stop pretending that we’ve been appointed to be another person’s judge; the Golden Rule to do unto others as you would want them to do to you; and the truth that the truly good life can only be built on a firm foundation.
Self-control is usually thought of as delaying gratification or enduring pain now for pleasure later. Do you want one marshmallow this instance or, do you want two in a couple of minutes? Do you want to spend money on going out to eat this week or, do you want to save money to buy a car next year? Do you want to exercise today for your health tomorrow or, do you want to sit down now and relax in front of the TV? Do you need another pair of shoes or another set or do you want to spend more precious time in front of a phone screen or, is there really a need to store up treasures elsewhere and be generous toward the poor?
But, self-control can also be thought of another way. Self-control is choosing to have good manners, good morals, and good attitudes even when everyone else around you has grown sloppy. Is it good to talk on the phone while grocery shopping, even if everyone else is doing it? Is it right to gossip, even if that seems to be the topic of conversation? Isn’t it better to be polite, rather than to be rude no matter how justified you may be?
Philip Randolf, the great civil rights leader at the dawn of the 20th century was known for his drive to self-mastery and detest of moral laziness. But, he was also ardently polite. This drove his friends and advisors in the civil rights struggle crazy. “Every now and then,” one of his advisers Bayard Rustin said, “I think he permits good manners to get in the way…Once I complained about that and he answered, ‘Bayard, we must with good manners accept everyone. Now is the time for us to learn good manners. We will need them when this is over, because we must show good manners after we have won.”[2]
Jesus did not come just to teach us good manners or how to be a good person. He came to announce that the kingdom of heaven has drawn near to us. We are asked to turn our lives towards that kingdom by turning our lives to towards him. We are asked to bear fruits of righteousness because he is righteous for us. Self-control is needed to sweet those other fruits. Regardless of whether it’s by delaying gratification or choosing to act decently or displaying good manners, self-control allows us to lift our lives toward heaven to pray “Our Father” so that we don’t make ourselves the center of the universe, but instead wait and pray and work knowing that Thy kingdom is coming and Thy will will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.
[1] “DON’T!” Jonah Lehrer. The New Yorker. May 18, 2009.
[2] David Brooks. The Road to Character. Pg. 132-3.