Matthew 10:24-39

The choice of what Scripture readings we will read on Sunday mornings is not one that I usually make. Instead, we use something called the Revised Common Lectionary. It is a cycle of readings that help us go through the major books and stories in the Bible every three years. The Catholic Church, the Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, we here at Trinity, and many other churches use it. There are drawbacks to it, but one of the really good things about the Lectionary is that it forces us as a Church to read and hear all kinds of books and stories in the Bible, not just those that we like or that reinforce the way we see things. 

I remind us of that this morning because I did not choose the gospel story from Matthew this morning where Jesus teaches his disciples:

Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.

What a happy and uplifting Father’s Day message the Lord brings to us. Of course Father’s Day is a relatively recent holiday, having only officially become a holiday in the 1970’s whereas the Scriptures and our faith is 2,000 years old.

This is one of those times when the Lectionary’s assigned readings are here to challenge the way we see God, the way we see the world, and the way we see ourselves. It asks us to take a hard look at what we mean by family and how God fits into that. It asks us to look inside of ourselves and ask the hard question: just how seriously am I taking my faith and being a Christian?

Let’s say from the beginning that on the topic of parents, the Scriptures seem to contradict themselves. The fifth commandment of the ten commandments says this: “You should honor your faith and mother.” And yet, here Jesus is teaching believers something that seems the opposite of honoring father and mother. “I’ve come not to bring peace, but a sword,” the Lord reminds us, and this division and conflict brought about by the Lord will be most real in families – sons against fathers, daughters against mothers, and in-laws against in-laws.

Our families are probably the most complex relationships that we each have. Our families can, and often are at one and the same time, the source of our deepest and most loving and true relationships and they can also be the source of our deepest pain and sorrow. Think about your own family. It’s likely been the source of incredible joy in your life and also incredible pain and sorrow. That’s not to even begin to mention absent parents, divorce, abuse and all of the other ills that can happen in families.

So what are we to make of Jesus’ instructions? For one, Jesus is not trying to be a family counselor. He’s also not anti-family. There are stories in the gospels where Jesus speaks lovingly of his mother, Mary. When he is on the cross he tells one of the disciples that it’s not the disciple’s job to look after his mother in her old age. But Jesus also corrects his family when they are wrong, including his brothers and mother. When they take a small and narrow view of who is part of their family, Jesus admonishes them. “Whoever does the will of my father in heaven is my brother, sister, and mother.” (Matt. 12:46-50) It’s as if to say that in the Lord’s view, what makes a family isn’t flesh and blood and marriage. Rather, what makes people brothers and sisters to one another in the Lord is doing God’s will. Jesus widens what it means to be a family such that faith, doing what is right and just are what make a family and not just being related by blood and marriage.

Think about how this works practically in your family. I have been on the giving and receiving end of trying to police who is and isn’t part of my family. It’s like trying to figure out who is and isn’t invited to family holidays. We can invite this person because they are in, but we can’t invite so and so because they’ve strayed from the family’s ways. Is your family just your spouse, kids, and grandkids or some combination of that? Or do you think of your family as something bigger and broader? 

This can become a huge issue when people get married and who is and isn’t included in the family. I have a family member who always wanted family gatherings to only include people who they called ‘our little family’, meaning, people that they approved of and liked and who behaved as they wanted them to. But here is the thing, none of us can control our family members. Before God, we are each responsible for ourselves. And if a family member tries to control the family, they might succeed in the short-term, but in the long-term, that kind of control will suffocate the family and its relationships to the point that they will wither and die. Again, you probably have seen this play out when people get married. Not always, but sometimes the spouse to be, for one reason or another, is not accepted into the family or accepts the family, and it causes conflict and division and lots of pain and hurt feelings.

Back to the gospel. Here is the word from the Lord that I heard in our readings this morning: family is important, but it can’t take the place of God and it can’t be more important to us than God and doing God’s will for our lives.

The Christian view of the world is that God, the Father of the Lord Jesus Christ, is the creator, the source of all things seen and unseen. Everything created has its beginning in God – the sun, stars, moon, trees, animals, hills – all of the things that we can see – God created. And God created all of the things that we cannot see too – like love and human relationships and family. You can’t see family – it’s not like there is a stamp that we each have that marks our family. The closest thing might be looking like a family member, but even that isn’t a guarantee. My brother and I don’t look alike, but it doesn’t make us any less brothers. Instead, what makes family are the ties, bonds, the shared love, and mutual care and concern people have for one another.

Family is a good thing. It’s the building block of society. Our family is who raised us, loved us, cared for us, and taught us. But not everyone’s family has to look alike. Our families are not perfect. The Christian view is that we’ve all been impacted by the fall. Think about the story of Adam and Eve and their family. After they both ate the fruit, they started blaming and fighting with each other. Eventually, one of their sons, Cain, murders his brother Abel, in a fit of jealous rage. All of this to say that families can be good, but they are not perfect and they are not God. They will never, in the end, fill us with that deep longing and need that only God can give.

That seems to be Jesus’ word to us: something like, love your family with all that you have, but don’t love them more than God. Take care of your family, but don’t try to control them. You have to do God’s will for your life just like your family members have the responsibility to do God’s will for their life. Don’t put families on a pedestal and idolize them, really horrible things can happen in families. Conflict will come too, as is made clear in Jesus’ instruction this morning. So, use your wisdom for how to deal with conflict in a Christ-like way. Finally, remember that Jesus makes the family bigger, not smaller. Jesus includes in his family all who seek to do God’s will. He calls that the Kingdom of God. And sometimes family members will oppose you for your faith and convictions; be faithful anyway.

This passage on family comes in the middle of Jesus’ teaching on how serious our faith in God is. Our faith is not just something we do on Sunday mornings. Being a Christian isn’t a part-time gig. Our commitments to God, to Christ, to the church, to ourselves are something that we have everyday. We may not always get it right and God is gracious when we mess up. But God is also serious. There will be hard times. We may encounter hostility from family or strangers. Some Christians have given their life for their faith, others their reputation, others their money, and time. That is what Jesus means when he says, “Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.” At the end of the day, we each have a choice: will we serve God or something else? Amen.